Self Care is Not Selfish (Part 1)


Show Notes

How did we get to that point, where we think having a shower... or going grocery shopping alone is "self care?" .

It isn't. In this 3-part collaboration series with Let's Talk, a charity with the goal of breaking down the stigma around mental health, we delve into self-care; why it’s not selfish, and how do it properly.

We address how to challenge that 'little voice' in your head that tells you, you don't have time to look after yourself. You can even name that little voice. We did.

And we also look self care from a men's perspective; we know a lot of rural men like to go to the pub... but is that self care?

Hear from:

  • Karen Foster - Professional Mentor, and Board Chair at Let's Talk, Port Fairy VIC

  • Abbi Power - Community Activation Lead at Let's Talk and mother of twins,  Naracoorte, SA

Produced by the  Rural Podcasting Co.

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  • Abbi Power: 0:05

    I have been told numerous times when they were babies just have a bit of a longer shower or go shopping alone. Hang on, that's not caring for myself, that's still managing the mental load of the whole family.

    Karen Foster: 0:15

    This might be a bad analogy, but it's a little bit like someone giving you an iron for a Christmas gift.

    Kirsten Diprose : 0:21

    Self-care is not selfish, and it's certainly not taking a shower or doing the groceries. Welcome to a special three-part series of Ducks on the Pond in collaboration with Let's Talk, a powerful grassroots organisation raising awareness around the need to talk about mental health, especially in rural and regional Australia. In these episodes, which will be released weekly, we'll discuss ways to prioritise self-care, which is what this episode is all about. Our next episode is how to support others with their mental health while still looking after yourself, and our final one in the series is about hormones and happy chemicals. We'll speak to a doctor about this …how to boost your mood and understand why you might be feeling a certain way.

    Kirsten Diprose : 1:07

    Now my co-host for the episodes is Let's Talk's community activation lead, abbey Power, and today we also talk to the board chair of Let's Talk, Karen Foster. She's a former journalist and operates a communications consultancy in Port Fairy in southwest Victoria. She's a counsellor with the Moyne Shire who has, more recently, really found her calling in life and these are my words, but you know when you see someone who's really doing what they're meant to be doing, that's Karen. She's a professional mentor helping others achieve their career and life goals. So let's drop you into the conversation between Abbi, Karen and myself.

    Abbi Power: 1:51

    Hi, thank you for having me.

    Kirsten Diprose : 1:53

    Now Abbi, you're with Let's Talk. Can you explain what you do?

    Abbi Power: 1:58

    So I am the community activation lead for Let's Talk, and what that means is I am actively out and about in the community in Southwest Victoria and my new role in Naracoorte now of spreading the messages of Let's Talk, which I'd love to share some of those with you.

    How did Let's Talk begin?

    Abbi Power: 2:19

    We began in 2016. In that year, there was a shocking or an alarming increase in suicides in the local Southwest Victorian area, and one particular set of parents and bereaved parents had just lost their son to suicide at 21, and that's the Fitzgibbons from Mortlake. They were really looking for something to do with their grief. They wanted to prevent suicide. They didn't want this happening to any other families again, and so they actually went to Warrnambool and sought help for themselves and also paired up with John Parkinson, who was a mental health nurse in Warrnambool at the time, and the three of them all together thought what can we do to actually create culture change and prevent suicide?

    Abbi Power: 2:58

    How can we spread these messages that there is hope and it's really important for people to talk instead of suffering in silence? And so that's how they started. They held their first kind of community get together at the Framlingham Golf Club and they expected probably about 50 people to come, and they were so surprised when there were 200 people from their local community that came along to hear about this thing, they coined Let's Talk, and everyone's feedback from that event was we need culture change around mental health. We need people in general to know that it's okay to speak up and talk, and they all said that Sam was the last person they would have expected to die by suicide. So who is it going to be next and how do we stop this?

    Kirsten Diprose : 3:43

    And there has been some great culture change, I think, not just in this region, but in farming regions all over Australia. And, if you're interested in hearing the story about Sam Fitzgibbon, his mum, Jane, was actually on our podcast a few years ago and the episode is “Know a bloke, who's struggling with his mental health”, and it's about tips on speaking with men in particular. But this is a three-part series which I'm really excited to collaborate with you on and you're going to be our guest host for all three of these episodes. Just briefly, tell us more about you. Where do you live? And I know you're a mother of twins and that has got to be a huge part of who you are.

    Abbi Power: 4:27

    Yes, definitely, and when I started with Let's Talk, I was in Warrnambool, which is where our origins are more like Warrnambool, southwest Victoria and I'm now in Naracoorte. I am a mum of twins, so my two little girls are nearly four. I'm also a step-mom. I'm a country girl, so my background is in ag. I've been a female stock agent I was one of the only ones at the time for one of the big leading ag companies. I'm an animal health advisor. I've studied psychology intensively at uni and I've got two psychology uni degrees. So lots of different things I've done in my lifetime and that's why I'm so excited to be a part of this podcast series. I love Ducks on the Pond and, yeah, really excited to see what difference we can make and hopefully everybody listening really takes something away of value for themselves.

    Kirsten Diprose : 5:12

    Now I want to bring in our guests for this episode, because Karen Foster is with us as well, who wears many hats, a bit like yourself, Abbi. Karen, welcome to Ducks on the Pond. Great to see you again, kirsten. So you're part of let's Talk in a board capacity, is that right?

    Karen Foster: 5:31

    I am. I'm the Chair of the Board of the Let's Talk Foundation.

    Kirsten Diprose : 5:43

    And you're also a local to the Southwest region and have you run business in helping others help themselves.

    Karen Foster: 5:45

    I'm not quite a local. I've been here for about 30 years and I do have a business here where I coach particularly women, but not always and in business and also in local governments Lots of interesting things going on but this is something that's a real passion project for me. I originally came across Let's Talk when I was asked to do some consulting to help with some governance for the board and somehow I never left. I'm still here and I'm very lucky to be here.

    Kirsten Diprose : 6:13

    So in this episode we're really discussing self-care is not selfish. What are your thoughts, Karen, on that? I think a lot of us can struggle to look after ourselves, and it's such a basic thing. Why are we so bad at it?

    Karen Foster: 6:29

    That is such a great question, Kirsten, and I was probably guilty of this too. I certainly grew up with a sense that self-care was a luxury. It's not something that we should incorporate in our day-to-day life. It was something you did if you had time and it was a nice thing to do.

    Karen Foster: 6:49

    I think the thinking around that has changed enormously. It's now seen as an essential part of having a balanced, healthy life, just in the same way as we would have a healthy diet or we would look to get enough sleep. For me, I think it's summed up best in the quote, and I don't know where I first read this, so apologies to whomever did coin this phrase, but to me self-care is about giving the world the best of you instead of what's left of you, Because if you are so depleted that you can't even take care of yourself, then you've got very little chance of being able to take care of the people around you. But when you do prioritise self-care, you're in a much better position to be able to contribute and support other people around you.

    Abbi Power: 7:31

    Karen, have you got some tips for us about what you do for self-care? So give us some real life, down and dirty strategies for what Karen does in her self-care.

    Karen Foster: 7:41

    The first thing I'll say about that is it's different for everyone. Things that I love may not really do it for you, but one thing I do is I take the time every week to really schedule in my self-care. So it's not an incidental thing, I'm very intentional about it. I will schedule self-care and that's really fun, coming up with different ways to look after yourself. Sometimes, yes, it is that lovely bubble bath, but sometimes it's just empty space, just time that's not scheduled, that I can give myself permission to do nothing.

    Karen Foster: 8:18

    I also like to look at different, I guess, realms of my life, so I might look at physical self-care as well as mental self-care. I'm a bit of an omnivore, so I like to be out with people, but I also really need time alone to recharge. So knowing what it is for you is important and it will be different for everybody, but knowing that about myself, I love to schedule in time with my friends or my family, but I also, as a counter to that, schedule time alone. So for me, using my Google Calendar that's one of my biggest self-care tools is just making sure I put that in. It's not always a message, but sometimes it is.

    Kirsten Diprose : 8:58

    It's almost like taking yourself out on a date, like you're coming up with ideas for yourself. I think that's really cool, Abby. What are the things you do?

    Abbi Power: 9:05

    For me and this is probably a great example of where it's different for everybody One of the things I do is I love getting my eyelashes done. So I'm not a makeup person, as I said before, I'm all about farming and ag and we get out on the farm every weekend and do things, but for me it's my eyelashes, so I can wake up in the morning and feel like I've got a face of makeup on and I actually don't. It's cheating, but it's great. Perfect example of something for me was Mother's Day just gone.

    Very fitting, my fiance bless him took all of the children out for the day, so I had the whole day to myself, and that was self-care for me was actually not having any kids around, which I get is probably quite a taboo thing to discuss, which we're all about it. Let's talk anyway. But for a mother to be able to say having some kid free time is my self-care is a really big thing and we don't discuss that openly enough. That's a whole other episode worth. And then, going back to what Karen was touching on, the fact that it is different for everybody leads into how it may be different for men. So we're talking about things here, like eyelashes and day spas and massages.

    Abbi Power: 10:09

    But for the blokes? I've been inquiring into this with some of the men in my life and asking them what their self-care is, and some of the things I've thrown out is like beers at the pub with mates. What I've found in the themes is it's things that give them a sense of accomplishment. They feel good when they're making other people feel good and it might be reset time for them. It might be holidays, if they're farmers especially. It might be holidays off the farm. A bit of structure, a bit of future forward thinking rather than past reflective thinking. It's relaxing. It's sitting down, zoning out, watching telly, going to the pub, things like that.

    Kirsten Diprose : 10:48

    It's interesting. Is going to the pub really self-care?

    Abbi Power: 10:53

    It is interesting, right? So some people would argue yes, some would argue no, and personally I'm a bit on the fence about that, because there's pros and cons to being at the pub, of course, and we never want to. I'm not encouraging that people do that necessarily, but for some people it's the social opportunities that the pub offers. So, rather than actually being the building that they're sitting in or the beer that they're drinking, for a lot of people that's the social highlight, especially in small country towns, where often the culture is based around getting together at the pub. What are your thoughts on that one, Karen?

    Karen Foster: 11:25

    So I guess, yeah, obviously there are some issues around excessive consumption of alcohol and its impacts on mental health, but I get it. I get that that's sometimes what brings people together.

    Kirsten Diprose : 11:38

    I mean, I would hate to lose our pub in our town. That's all we have, and I also think it's a really easy way to get together. I love making generalisations about men. If you listen to this podcast, you'll hear many of them, and here's another one. They are not very good at organizing things and I think it's just an easy way to connect and go. Oh great, I'm going to go see people down at the pub.

    Abbi Power: 12:02

    Totally agree. And, what's interesting, one of the other hats I've actually worn before is a barmaid, and so a lot of both men and women, of course. But a lot of men would come there and to the pub and sit at the bar and have a beer and you would hear the most interesting in-depth conversations between two males over a couple of beers. And now that I know what I know about mental health, I actually see it as a really positive thing, because for some of these men especially in the bars, the pub I managed a lot of these men it was the only time they'd ever open up and talk and be vulnerable with people. So I found it to be really positive for their mental health and having a place they can go, that's away from home or off the farm, that it's quite neutral territory for everyone, was really important for their mental wellbeing. If I could have served them a soft drink it would have been great, but there we are.

    Karen Foster: 12:57

    Well, soft drink's not so much fun, is it? But I think there are other opportunities too, and I think the rise of the Men's Shed movement is a great example of providing spaces for men to come and be together in ways that are comfortable for them. I think a lot of sporting clubs provide those opportunities as well. So there are alternatives to the pub, but that does seem to be an enduring heart for our communities, doesn't it?

    Kirsten Diprose : 13:20

    Back to women. I know a lot of women who do a grocery shop and say that's self-care, or have a shower as self-care. Particularly when you've got really young kids, is that self-care?

    Karen Foster: 13:34

    care, particularly when you've got really young kids. Is that self-care? I think there are seasons of your life, absolutely, where you have to snatch those little moments for yourself. In my view, though, that's not self-care, that's just surviving, that's just doing something that you need to do every single day, like brushing your teeth. So it's not special, it shouldn't be regarded as special, and self-care needs to be a little bit more intentional than just going through the motions of what you need to do for day-to-day life.

    Abbi Power: 14:00

    I completely agree. I think basic human needs like eating, sleeping, showering especially doing those things alone, away from kids or work, should probably not be counted as self-care Again really important and all contribute to mental being. But yeah, I know, as a mum of little kids, I have been told numerous times when they were babies oh, just go and have a shower, and just have a bit of a longer shower, or go shopping alone, I'll have the kids while you go to the grocery shopping. Hang on, that's not caring for myself, that's still managing the mental load of the whole family. And it's also a basic need that I shower, because I've always got little kids hanging off.

    Kirsten Diprose : 14:36

    But you'd still take it, wouldn't you? Or even being able to jump on the lawnmower on your own, like ride on lawnmower on your own. I'd be like, oh yes, but yeah, is it really self-care? It's like your bar just gets lower and lower. I think when you're a mum of young kids.

    Abbi Power: 14:53

    Yeah, I think there's a lot of pressure on mothers and women in general. And, Karen, obviously you're a working woman with a busy schedule.

    Karen Foster: 15:00

    This might be a bad analogy, but it's a little bit like someone giving you an iron for a Christmas gift. You need the iron anyway. That does not count as a Christmas gift. In my view. Self-care is much bigger than that. It's much more intentional than that. And coming back to your original question, Kirsten, around whether it's selfish or not, that's probably part of the problem, because we see these little snatched moments as self-care and think, oh, we can tick the box. I've looked after myself today, but it's really not enough.

    Kirsten Diprose : 15:30

    Abbi, you have twins. I don't even know how you do it.

    Abbi Power: 15:35

    I actually ended up with postnatal depression, speaking of mental health, and you know I'm really open about that journey and I've managed it and my mental health is great now. But at the time, having newborn twins was a real struggle. They were my first children. I was socially and physically isolated, living in the country, very hands-off kind of father, but I was very blessed that I had my mum. So I did have support from my mum who moved into my house to help.

    Abbi Power: 16:02

    But, yeah, those moments were still really hard to get, so absolutely a challenge, but got through it and got the support that I needed. That was the key was that I sought support for myself. I knew that it was a struggle and a challenge. Support that I needed that was the key was that I sought support for myself. I knew that it was a struggle and a challenge and that I potentially couldn't do it alone, and so I went and sought that help, which is again part of the Let's Talk ethos is we encourage help, seeking in people and knowing when you're maxed out and knowing when to go and seek support for yourself, because we are not made to raise children and live this life alone.

    Kirsten Diprose : 16:34

    I just think it's ridiculous that we lock women away. That's just what it feels like, like we lock women away in their houses with young children to sort of cope on their own while also maintaining a house and sometimes working as well. That might be a necessity and for me, when I look back to those days, I've always enjoyed work, and working I probably grouped into self-care, which I look back now and think that's probably not the best way of thinking about it and really my thinking about it was probably all wrong, because I calculated when I had two kids in childcare that I was going to work for $50 a day and I thought the only way I deserved a break was to be at work.

    Abbi Power: 17:22

    That's definitely a societal pressure thing and I'll throw to you in a second, karen but from my perspective, society puts so much pressure on us to be wearing so many hats at once that you can't just be a mother, you can't just be a partner, you can't just work. You've got to do all of these things at once, whilst maintaining your mental health and being and undertaking self-care and staying fit and healthy and getting enough sleep and all of these things that society puts on us that we have to be able to do at once. And I think it's really unrealistic, and I think there's so much stigma out there, which is let's Talk's whole aim is breaking the stigma and encouraging open conversations. What are your thoughts on that, karen?

    Karen Foster: 18:01

    So, well said, abby. Yeah, I agree, we can have it all, but just not all at once, not all at the same time, and I was one of those women who was a better person for being at work when my children were young. I think it's amazing the women who stay at home and choose to be stay at home carers and parents fantastic. That is a legitimate choice, but so is going to work. It's a legitimate choice, and for me, that was what made me happiest. So it wasn't so much an act of self-care, in my view made me happiest. So it wasn't so much an act of self-care in my view. It was about making me feel much more fulfilled, much happier, and, as a result, I was a much better mother because of that.

    Abbi Power: 18:42

    And to build on that as someone who's in the thick of it right now in terms of young children and working, I myself have had moments of experiencing mum guilt. I think society has us feel these ways that we make ourselves feel really bad, for if we're working, we're not prioritising our kids and if we're with our kids we're not prioritising bringing in money to the household and things like this. Yeah, I guess I'm right in the throes of it and it's just something that I manage through self-care. And to bring it back to that is I am really clear about who I am in society, which helps me to overcome that mum guilt. Who I am is not just a mother and who I am is not just an employee or just a farmer. I am a bit of everything and that's totally okay. I love that.

    Karen Foster: 19:29

    That's really a wise approach. We are all a conglomeration of lots and lots of different things and for me I did succumb to a bit of that mother guilt for a while, but then I just decided wherever I am, I'm going to be a hundred percent present. I'm going to be there, I'm going to do that thing really well. So I had really clear boundaries around those different roles and that just worked for me.

    Kirsten Diprose : 19:52

    That's really interesting and, I think, important, karen, about those boundaries and being in the present, because there's a lot of research that talks about how being in the present is a good way to be happy. I personally live a lot in the future and I need to learn how to come back to the present, and I know a lot of people live in the past. I don't live there, I just I keep living in the future. I don't know why.

    Abbi Power: 20:15

    I think some sort of looking in the review mirror is great for reflection and growth, and then looking forward is really great for setting goals and priorities. And then being right here in the present is a skill that, in general, as humans, we're not great at it. To be honest, we're not great at being in the present. I guess that's a really practical kind of self-care tip that maybe some of our listeners could take away today is practising focusing on the positivity, focusing on what is good, what's in the moment, staying present, focusing on what's great about your life, what you love, what makes you happy, being with people surrounding yourself, with people that make you happy, and staying really connected, not isolating yourself. So some of those are really good things that we don't often think about, because when we think self-care, we might think, oh yeah, regular exercise, eat well, sleep well, all those things that we hear over and over, and, yes, they're really important too. So definitely do those.

    Karen Foster: 21:09

    But also it's about, yeah, like you say, staying in that moment and relishing in what you can control, not focusing on what you can't control. And if I could add to that, I think that whole past, present, future thing is fascinating because I think a lot of people look back into the past and think that's a marker of who I'm going to become in the future. They judge themselves according to what happened in the past. So that's whatever I did or didn't achieve, that's what I can expect in the future. There's a bit of a danger about looking backwards like that, and I think the possibilities for everybody are unlimited. We're the only people who limit ourselves.

    Abbi Power: 21:46

    Have you noticed your little voice actually often is telling you you can't do something or oh, you did that so badly, or that's often the one that's snagging us or pulling us back, holding us back from what we see is possible for our future. And so I think, firstly, it's distinguishing our little voice, acknowledging and seeing that we actually have one that runs the show half the time, and then, secondly, I think it's learning to manage that little voice, that, yeah, it can still do what it's doing and have its little say and its thoughts and opinions about our life, but actually keeping it in line and taking back the steering wheel in our own mind of I've got this. Thank you very much for your opinion. Little voice, I've got this, and this is where I'm up to, I think is really critical too.

    Karen Foster: 22:27

    Yeah, and one great strategy to manage that voice in your head, I think, is to give it a name and see it as separate and other. And sometimes, when I talk to women about this, they'll say oh yes, I'm going to call it Kelly and I'll say who's Kelly? Oh, she was that girl in grade five who was just horrible to me. So you can have a bit of fun with it. But by giving it a name it makes it other, and then it gives you a little bit of control over that, because you can choose then whether you want to listen to Kelly or whatever. You choose to name your little voice or not.

    Kirsten Diprose : 23:03

    What do you name yours, Karen?

    Karen Foster: 23:06

    I'm not sure if I'm allowed to swear. I've actually got multiple voices. I'm not sure what that says about me, but I call it the itty bitty S-H-I-T-Y committee. Can I get away with saying?

    Kirsten Diprose : 23:18

    that. That's fine, I love it. That's funny. I'll have to come up with a name. Any other practical strategies to stop that voice or to stop any kind of negative thoughts that come into our heads that aren't helpful? And I know that when I was dealing with postnatal depression after my first child, I had some really bad thoughts about myself that would just come into my head and I was told to say to myself no, consciously, stop and then focus on whatever it was that I was told to say to myself no, like consciously stop and then focus on whatever it was that I was doing at that moment.

    Abbi Power: 23:55

    It's funny you ask that question because on our Let's Talk Socials we actually just had a post about this the other week, about what we can do to reframe negative thoughts. So go and check that out. But in terms of those negative thoughts that creep in, I think, like I said, the first step is to really notice that you're actually having them and then probably my second tip would be to actually try and discover what's underneath what you're stressing about, what that little voice is saying to you. What is this trying to teach me or what is it trying to tell me? Absolutely agree with you, Abby.

    Karen Foster: 24:27

    And I think our brains are really good at trying to keep us safe. Absolutely agree with you, Abbi, and I think our brains are really good at trying to keep us safe. So that little voice in your head is just trying to stop you from taking risks because it's scary out there. So it's your brain saying you can't do that, you can't speak in public. That's just stupid. But of course you can, because thousands of other people do it and thousands of other people have been successful at it. So it's our brain trying to keep us safe in the known.

    Karen Foster: 24:53

    And I think when we have those negative thoughts, one thing that I do is to try and look for evidence to the contrary. So if you find yourself saying, oh, you can't do that, you're not up for that, I'll start to look for evidence. Where have I done it in the past? If I haven't done it, where has someone else done it in the past? So if you start to look for evidence to prove a different thought, right that you can start to use a thought ladder if you like to take you one rung closer to where you want to be.

    Kirsten Diprose : 25:23

    I also like to think of what my best friend would say to me, because my best friend, or my mum, is much kinder to me than I am to myself sometimes.

    Abbi Power: 25:32

    So it's really timely that you brought that up is we've heard these sayings that we can become the product of those closest to us, and what I really encourage people to do is we know for mental good, mental health and well-being is that, as humans, we love social connection. Whether we want to actually admit that or not, we are social creatures, and so what's really important is, a that we're socialising with people around us and staying connected, and then B, secondly, is that we're surrounding ourselves by the kind of people that bring out the best in us. So that's probably also a really good strategy is trying to find your tribe, find your people that are up to the same kind of things in life and have the same goals that you do, and stick with them.

    Karen Foster: 26:13

    Yeah, I love that, Abbi. I think finding your tribe is crucial and it's not always in the obvious places that you find those people. But I think those of us who live in regional areas, it can feel a little bit tricky at times to find the people who you do connect with and relate to on a deeper level, but it's worth hanging in there because when you find them, everything changes. One of the best pieces of advice a mentor gave me was to just get curious about people and drop the need to be liked or to have an agenda going into something. Just be curious about other people and find out about them and ask about them, and you just never know when you might find somebody that you're going to really connect with.

    Abbi Power: 26:57

    Yeah, one of my best friends was someone completely random who arrived on my doorstep one day to buy something from me from Marketplace. And now we're absolute best friends and she's about to be made of honour in my wedding. I hope she doesn't hear this first because I haven't actually given her present yet. Sometimes those random friendships can be really incredible. And I think to add to that, it really wouldn't be a self-care conversation without the analogy of filling up your cup. We talk a lot about this. Filling up your own cup, as is self-care, is. You can't pour from an empty cup, so fill up your cup first, and it's not selfish to do that. It's actually really important to fill up your own cup and then find your tribe of people who also add to your cup rather than drain it.

    Kirsten Diprose : 27:41

    I think that silly little voice. I'm calling mine Gretchen, I can't call it Karen. Can I Karen, after poor Karen's had a rough time as a name, hasn't it?

    Karen Foster: 27:50

    It's a rough time in history to be called Karen absolutely.

    Kirsten Diprose : 27:54

    Only no good, karens, gretchen. When Gretchen comes in and tells me that I don't have time to go for a walk, which I love to do, or get my eyebrows done, or whatever, how do I counter Gretchen?

    Karen Foster: 28:08

    Yes now, Gretchen, she's absolutely just trying to keep you safe because she doesn't want you to overload yourself. But I think it's about deciding what is a priority for you in life, and if you decide that self-care is a priority and I really hope every single person hearing this decides, if they haven't already, that self-care is a priority then it's about prioritizing that that old saying where there's a will, there's a way. Even the absolute busiest people will find a way to make something happen if they really want it to happen. So your job, then, is to manage your mind, or to manage Gretchen, and say this is a priority for me and I'm going to make that happen because it's totally within your power. We all have the same 24 hours in every single day and we are always consciously or subconsciously prioritizing things and saying that's important.

    Abbi Power: 28:59

    I love that, karen. And just so we're all clear, mine's Bertha. Okay, so Bertha is my little voice, and what I can say to Bertha and what we can all say to that little voice, well, probably not what we're saying to it, but what we can do is actually schedule in and structure some time around that. I think, like you said, karen, when there's a will, there's a way, and I find that actually scheduling it in means it does happen. So for me, if I structure that into my day or my week, however it looks, then it's guaranteed to get done.

    Abbi Power: 29:31

    And also, I think one really important point about self-care is it doesn't have to look a certain way. It doesn't have to take an hour of my time. It's what works for me and what makes me happy. It's the same with all of you. Your self-care is for you. It might be going outside, standing in nature with bare feet on the lawn and looking at the garden and breathing in a few deep breaths. Or it might be a whole day of no kids and reading a book on the couch and watching Netflix. It doesn't have to look a certain way and I think it's really critical that, whatever it is, we're just doing some of it, and that's a really important part of maintaining our mental well-being.

    Kirsten Diprose : 30:06

    Beautifully said. Karen Foster and Abbi Power, thank you so much for joining us on Ducks on the Pond and explaining why self-care is not selfish.

    And that's it from us here at Ducks on the Pond, in collaboration with Let's Talk. Thanks again to my co-host, AbbI Power, who'll be back next week, and thank you to Karen Foster. If you want to find out more about let's Talk, you can reach out to them at Let's Talk Southwest on Instagram.

    Our three-part series will be released each week, so make sure you tune in for the next one, where we look at what you can do to help someone who might be struggling with postnatal depression, anxiety or other mental health issues. How do you know what to say and what to do, especially if you can tell they're not in the right frame of mind?

    And, of course, if you or anyone you know needs help, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14. That's 13 11 14. My name's Kirsten Diprose and this is a Rural Podcasting co production. Thank you for listening.

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Self Care is Not Selfish (Part 2) - How to support others, while looking after yourself

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Do you always have to put the farm first?