Self Care is Not Selfish (Part 2) - How to support others, while looking after yourself
Show Notes
COLLAB SERIES WITH LET'S TALK
A conversation can save someone's life.
So, when someone you care about is not OK, how do you start the conversation? And just as importantly, make sure it leads to that person taking action (such as talking to a GP).
In Part 2 of this series on "Self Care is Not Selfish," we look at how to foster deeper conversations about mental well-being, while also knowing your own limits and boundaries in helping someone else out.
Jenna Robinson, a running coach based in Birregurra, VIC and volunteer for the Let's Talk Foundation shares her own experience of post-natal depression. She describes how a conversation with a friend, was the beginning of her journey to recovery.
We're also joined by Abbi Power from Let's Talk, as co-host, along with regular host, Kirsten Diprose. Both women have also experienced post natal depression and remember the conversations that led them to take action and ultimately get better.
This is a conversation about having important conversations. It's full of different strategies about how to validate feelings, listen and employ the campfire analogy (that one is so you don't scare away the blokes with too much eye contact!). We also discuss mental health first aid training and what to do if you're helping someone in a crisis situation.
Are you interested in a collaboration series? Or sponsoring an episode? Download our Sponsorship prospectus from our website
This is a Rural Podcasting Co production.
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Jenna Robinson: 0:02
Everyone has their own dealings with life and with emotions. You can't know exactly how someone else is feeling, but you can provide a basis and a foundation for conversation.
Abbi Power: 0:15
So if you're noticing that somebody's struggling, it's going beyond the first, are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine and digging a little bit deeper.
Kirsten Diprose: 0:25
Hello and welcome to Ducks on the Pond, brought to you by the Rural Podcasting Co. I'm Kirsten Diprose. This is a three-part collaboration series with let's Talk, and in this episode, Abbi Power from Let's Talk is back and she's my co-host, and we're joined by Jenna Robinson, who's based in Birregurra in southwest Victoria. Jenna shares her own experience of postnatal depression and how her love of running keeps her mental health on track. Actually, all three of us in this conversation have had an experience of postnatal depression and you'll hear how some people in our lives really helped each of us at such a difficult time. And that's what this episode is really all about learning how we can help others while still looking after ourselves. So how do you even start a conversation with someone who you can tell is not in a good way? What do you say? What do you do in a crisis situation? So let me drop you into the conversation with my co-host, abby. I think last week we had a really great conversation, starting off this idea that self-care is not selfish.
Abbi Power: 1:36
Yeah, we did. It was great to have Karen Foster on the episode with us and, yeah, it's come together really well, very exciting.
Kirsten Diprose: 1:43
So if you haven't listened to that. I recommend going back and listening to that one first and then joining us for this conversation, because you've brought along someone who's got a really, I suppose, personal story of this, but Jenna's part of Let's Talk as well.
Abbi Power: 2:00
Yeah, absolutely so. Jenna is one of our amazing volunteers with Let's Talk Colac. Jenna is pretty much in charge of the social media aspect in Colac and I'll let Jenna introduce herself.
Jenna Robinson: 2:12
Hello, thank you for having me. Happy to be here. As Abbi said, I'm Jenna. I deal with mostly the social media for Let's Talk Colac so I have a lot of fun with it actually, so it's not like a job for me. I really enjoy getting creative and getting in there and spreading the word about what we do and also self-care tips. It's good.
Kirsten Diprose: 2:33
It's also obviously a passion of yours, because you have many other hats in your life. But what really led you down this path of wanting to help others with their mental health?
Jenna Robinson: 2:44
I suppose I just really enjoy helping people as part of who I am. I started to realise that a lot more. You know as I hit my twenties and thirties that I really wanted to give back, so it's kind of how I got involved in volunteering in general. I've done everything from Relay for Life to the Murray to Moyne Cycle, Relay and Let's Talk. I heard one of their presentations actually at my workplace and I thought this is wonderful, Like, I need to help in some way. How can I help? And yeah, we had a discussion and that was it. I started volunteering pretty much straight away and haven't looked back.
Kirsten Diprose: 3:24
So this episode is really about supporting others in their mental health while still looking after yourself, because, as we're saying, self-care is not selfish. So you're looking after yourself while also looking after others, if you can. Is that the sentiment Abbi?
Abbi Power: 3:42
Absolutely so. There's definitely ways to do both at the same time. Often what we think when we think of caring for others' mental health is that they are the focus, they are the priority. We let our own things slide in the service of being there for somebody else. But actually what we're here to talk about today and ongoingly, is that you can actually have both at the same time. I was just reflecting recently.
Kirsten Diprose: 4:04
In the last three months, I've had my mum break her hip, my husband needs shoulder surgery and a few days ago my son chipped his front tooth, and I feel like I don't build space in my life for caring for others. I'm the primary person for all three of these people and I'm like do I need to factor this into my life?
Abbi Power: 4:28
It's funny because we often don't think like that. Do we need to factor this into our lives? And I'm a big believer in as Jenna can attest to is that we all wear a lot of different hats. So it's really important that we are looking out for the other people in our life and also making that time for ourselves, as we talked about in the last episode. But yeah, I really do think we want to be checking in on the people we care about, the people we love, and often that can take time and often it can take the right time to have those conversations. Yeah, I guess I'll throw over to you. Jenna, have you got any tips that you might use when you're wanting to talk to somebody? Have you got any tips that you might use when you're wanting to talk to somebody. ?
Jenna Robinson: 5:06
I think it just comes down to open conversation and definitely about prioritising. I say that a lot, particularly in my coaching. So I coach runners and I coach them for their running, but it's a holistic. There's so many things that affect your running outside of the actual running and it often comes down to stress how stressed are you, Is this affecting it? And it comes down to prioritising that self-care and making time. If you have all these things thrown at you at once, you need to take the time to be able to deal with that and you need to have the foresight to be able to think I need room in case something out of the blue happens. And if you're already up to the tip of your hair in stress, then that added stress is going to take its toll on you.
Abbi Power: 5:55
So you know, obviously we've all heard of R U OK Day and the let's Talk Foundation's big supporters of that event and that movement that it's become, which is really great, and we also believe that R U OK's become, which is really great, and we also believe that R U OK Day should really be every day. So it's about having the willingness to ask someone if they're OK. That's really where you start with. Checking in on somebody else's mental health is asking them if they're OK. And often we hear variations of yeah, I'm fine, all good, not a problem, especially men. We love talking about men here too and how men and women are different, and we'll get to that in a little bit.
Abbi Power: 6:29
But we do hear a lot of yeah, I'm fine. And so for us, what we really encourage people to do is go beyond that first. Yeah, I'm fine. So if you're noticing that somebody's struggling or you've noticed a change in behaviour, even that's out of the ordinary for that person, it's going beyond the first. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine, and digging a little bit deeper. So you know it might be. You know how are you feeling, how are you coping with X, Y, Z, and you want to be using really open ended questions, so encourage them to give you a sentence in response, rather than just a yes or no.
Jenna Robinson: 7:04
I think it's like really important as well. Like quite often you'll ask someone if they're okay and then they'll go away and think about it. And then if you have that follow-up conversation, like shooting them across a message and I know with a lot of my friends who have kids, if you've asked them if they're okay and they're distracted by watching to see if their kid's going to fall off the slide next, it's really important just to follow up with a text or something. Hey, I noticed you're a bit on edge today. Are you sure you're okay? Is there anything I can do to help? And quite often they'll open up more when they've thought about it and actually reflected on their own emotional situation as to whether they are dealing okay. And to know that someone has their back as well, it makes a big difference.
Kirsten Diprose: 7:47
I find a practical response can be really useful as well. A friend of mine rang me recently well, actually a neighbour and said oh, I'm just going to the shops, Do you need anything? Because she knew that my husband just had shoulder surgery and so I'm probably going to be under the pump a bit more than usual. So I thought that was so lovely, because it was just a way for her to actually ask me if I was okay and help me practically by bringing some stuff around, and if I wasn't okay, I'd be able to say oh yeah, can you pick me up some apples and some milk? And then we could have that conversation when she arrived.
Abbi Power: 8:25
Yeah, and I think the fact that she rang and even asked in the first place is a testament to her being supportive and caring and thoughtful. And I think those qualities are really important when you are checking in with somebody, whether it's about picking up groceries for them to support them with those sorts of things, or whether it's about checking in on their mental health because you've noticed a change. It's actually those qualities that make a difference. Often, by highlighting to the person that somebody on the outside has seen a change can be enough of a first step for that person to realise hey, actually my change in behaviour is noticeable to the outside. Maybe I do need some help. Maybe I'm not quite coping with X, y, z as well as I thought I was, so I might actually go and seek some help here. Often, just by pointing it out to somebody that you've seen that they're struggling could be a really great initiative for them to start making change in their lives themselves.
Kirsten Diprose: 9:19
What about listening, Because that's just as important as starting the conversation. I would guess Jenna.
Jenna Robinson: 9:25
Yeah, listening actively, listening to someone, just being there for somebody. I think my general nature like people tend to come to me and just open up and then they're apologising that they've opened up. And I'm always telling them don't apologise for just talking, like I'm here to listen and we have a running group and quite often a lot of those people go away from their kids and it's basically like therapy. Runners always say that it's my therapy and it's not just the running, it's the social aspect as well. There's someone there just to listen while you talk and for them to have the opportunity to open up as well.
Abbi Power: 10:04
To add to that as well. It's really important that when we are starting a conversation with someone, that we're always encouraging them to take action. So it's one thing to get them to open up and have them talk about what's going on obviously let's talk but it's also about encouraging action. So the follow through is really important. So if somebody is struggling and they do start to open up to you about dealing with something inside of them, it's about asking questions like how can I help you? Or if you can't actually help them, it's asking who else could support you with that. Have you seen your GP?
Abbi Power: 10:38
We know that if somebody is struggling, that the first step to seeking professional help is often by seeing your GP. So asking whether they've done that, asking them what would take the pressure off you? Is there anything I can do to help take pressure off Things like that? Who else have you got around you for support? So again, it's open-ended questions and it's encouraging them to actually take action, because we know that knowing makes no difference. So somebody can know that they're struggling and they can know that they might need some help. But if that's, as far as it goes, the knowing without the action it's the action that's actually going to make the difference.
Jenna Robinson: 11:14
And the action's often the hardest step. I don't know about you, but actually booking that appointment with the doctor can be a huge step for somebody. So the fact that you've got a friend messaging you to say, hey, I'm just checking in to make sure you booked that appointment, it keeps it front of mind and encourages them to get the confidence to actually make that phone call.
Kirsten Diprose: 11:35
Is there any difference in having a conversation with a man versus a woman?
Abbi Power: 11:41
Yeah, have you heard of the campfire analogy?
Abbi Power: 11:44
So the campfire analogy is where you get the best way to talk to men about personal or deep kind of issues is get them in a group and sit them in a circle around a campfire.
Abbi Power: 11:55
So you know how often when you're sitting around a campfire there's a group of you and you're all focusing in on the flames and you're looking at the flames and it's intriguing and it's nice to look at. So you really focus and often you can zone out in your mind and shoulder to shoulder with men always works better than front on confrontational kind of eyeing them up. So a lot of men and this is all society pressure right, it's not something I've come up with, but it's the way society deals with and treats men is that often they think when you're front on to them, looking them in the eye, that you're being confrontational? What I found was when I was the stock agent and I would go out on farm, the best time to talk to a bloke about his mental health is in the sheep yards. You're shoulder to shoulder, you're a teammate, you're showing that you're on their side, not against them. I think those values are really important when talking to men.
Jenna Robinson: 12:49
Definitely the car. That's a really powerful tool actually. Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm like, yeah, actually I've had some really good conversations with men and women in a car because you are side by side. If they're the driver, they're focused on the driving, but also able to open up.
Kirsten Diprose: 13:06
Should you share your own stories or own experience of mental health? Does that help someone or hinder them?
Jenna Robinson: 13:13
I open up about my story and I often find that people will open up in return. No, like, as long as you're not saying, oh, I know how you're feeling, because we can't know how someone else is feeling. So it's totally different. Everyone has their own dealings with life and with emotions. You can't know exactly how someone else is feeling, but you can provide a basis and a foundation for conversation. If I open up about my story, then they go, oh okay, she's just talking about it. It's giving them an open door policy to maybe open up about my story. Then they go, oh okay, she's just talking about it. It's giving them like an open door policy to maybe open up as well. So it's a very powerful tool.
Abbi Power: 13:52
Another analogy just to throw in here is that a conversation with somebody, when we're checking in, should be like a dance, which is an interesting way to look at it. Right, but instead of people or somebody. If you're checking in on somebody you're concerned about, instead of you having to or thinking that you have to lead the conversation and get the words right and help them, because that's what a lot of us think when we're checking in on somebody, we're concerned about, treat it like a dance. So it's two people just dancing back and forth, words flowing, and somebody's expressing themselves, somebody else is listening, and then you might offer some actions or some support, and it's just a flow back and forth rather than a. I've got to lead this conversation and fix it and make it better.
Kirsten Diprose: 14:37
I think men probably struggle with that in general more than women, because they're fixers by nature.
Jenna Robinson: 14:43
I actually have to admit I actually have a fixing mindset, so yeah, I can see how that's difficult. Now I've had to wind myself back over the years like I can't fix everything. It's not about that. So I can definitely relate to the men that are experiencing that, that you just have to let go of control a little bit.
Abbi Power: 15:04
Yeah, I think with the men that I've interacted with through let's Talk. The biggest thing I say to them is that often women just want to be gotten heard and validated rather than fixed, and yes, I understand that part of your masculinity and your values and belief system may be to fix her or her problem. However, is that what she really wants? I know that's how I am. A lot of the time I just want to be heard and have somebody validate my feelings and then I'm good to go again.
Kirsten Diprose: 15:33
I suppose the three of us really share an experience of postnatal depression, which is something I really want to chat about now because my experience I'm actually kind of grateful now for it in that it gave me an insight into what it's like to really not be thinking straight, which has then helped me with conversations with other people. But I know that when I wasn't thinking straight it was hard to talk to me because I had some pretty irrational thoughts going on in there. So I want to kind of delve into how to deal with that. But first I wanted to ask your experiences of postnatal depression and then how you sought help and who helped you around you in various ways. Jenna, can I start with you?
Jenna Robinson: 16:20
Yes, I suppose I've always been quite an independent person and having kids it really hit me Having to just do regular things like going to fill up the car with fuel, and now all of a sudden you've got to time that around a baby and get the baby out of the car, and it's just all those things that added extra steps that should have been so simple and were so simple in the past, and the fact that I now had to almost ask permission from my husband to go for a run or to go to the shops by myself. It all became this extra mental load. It wasn't really easy. So our first child was born with a cleft lip and palate, found out at the 20-week ultrasound and it just hit us out of the blue. We weren't expecting that at all. We went in for a gender scan and all of a sudden there's this whole other layer of stress basically to deal with. So that, and then a quite traumatic birth experience, it all took its toll. So a couple of months in, I just was not coping.
Jenna Robinson: 17:30
Running has always been that kind of coping mechanism for me and I did find ways to continue to do that after having a child, but it all got too much. My mindset was totally gone. I was focusing on negative thoughts that would come into my brain and I couldn't get past it. It was like this block and for me I suppose that was really hard, because I don't like reaching out for help. I feel bad asking people for help. So the fact that I now needed help and didn't want to ask, the fact that I now needed help and didn't want to ask, I put myself in that situation basically. But I should have reached out for help sooner.
Jenna Robinson: 18:08
There's a big difference between coping and actually managing, so that for me was a big hello moment in getting past that fear. I had this massive fear of if I open up and I go to my doctor and I say I'm not coping, then they're going to take my child away from me. That was just what I thought. That was what I thought would happen. Obviously a totally irrational thought. That's not what the healthcare system is. Therefore, they're there to help people and I eventually did realise that, but it took way too long.
Jenna Robinson: 18:40
Then I did eventually reach out to my doctor and started seeing a psychologist and ended up on medication, because then, obviously, once I had my second child, all kind of happened again the emotions, sleep deprivation. That was huge with my second child. He did not sleep through the night until 14 months, through the night until 14 months. That sleep debt is very much real and you're just brain fog, you can't focus, you're angry. It all takes its toll basically. That was me in a nutshell. Running obviously helped me through a lot of that, but reaching out for professional help, that was the game changer.
Kirsten Diprose: 19:19
Yeah, thank you for sharing that, jenna. Were you quicker to realise the signs with the second one?
Jenna Robinson: 19:25
Yes, definitely. Yeah, hindsight's a beautiful thing. I was noticing the tightness in the chest, of anxiety, and until I started on my medication I hadn't realised that things were missing, so like the sense of enjoyment or like excitement had totally disappeared and I didn't even realize so. When I started taking medication and that came back, I was like, oh my gosh, how did I not do this sooner?
Kirsten Diprose: 19:55
Abbi, what about you? I mean, you had two kids at once. I'm just going to say this, and it's such a terrible thing to say in that in today's world, I don't know how you can not end up with postnatal depression with multiple births. That's a horrible thing when I think about it Genuinely. The people I know have had twins have all had postnatal depression. I just don't think our society is set up for two kids at once?
Abbi Power: 20:23
It's definitely not. And even to go one step further in some ways, centrelink doesn't even acknowledge that twins is a multiple birth. So a multiple birth, according to them, is three or more. So that's been a challenge all on its own. But yeah, I had my twins right in the middle of the lovely COVID pandemic, so that added a whole other layer for me.
Abbi Power: 20:45
I'm this woman who has always wanted to be a mom more than anything in the world since I was little, just wanted to be a mom and super maternal, have a lot of close family with young kids. And then I found out when I was four weeks pregnant that I was having two at once, and for me that was obviously a massive shock and very unexpected and I immediately freaked out and cried for about two days wondering how I was going to be capable of raising them. Not that I didn't want that, it was that my self-doubt completely got to me straight away, and then that carried through my whole pregnancy as I got bigger and bigger. I ended up really had a big belly and very swollen cankles and I carried the girls to 37 weeks, which is full term for twins, and then I delivered them by a C-section. But, bearing in mind, all of this, like I said, was in the middle of COVID, so I was not allowed a baby shower. All my family went interstate in South Australia so I couldn't see or share my pregnancy with any of them. I had to have a COVID test before my scheduled caesarean to make sure that I was healthy to do that and ironically, the girl's father my partner at the time didn't have to have one, even though he was in the same operating theatre. So there are a lot of factors that stacked up against us. And then all of a sudden you have two babies not one, but two at the same time, and you're learning to breastfeed and do all of these things and physically hold, carry two babies in your arms at once. Now the girls also didn't sleep for the first 12 months of their life.
Abbi Power: 22:19
I totally relate to what Jenna said about sleep deprivation. I understand why it's a torture punishment, but yeah, that was really tough and, luckily for me, I had support from my mum. So my mum actually relocated interstate to live with me to help me with these babies. She knew twins was going to be a lot and that I would need some support and that there was a lot of the first stages of their life was in lockdown and isolation, and she knew all of this, that these are risk factors for mental ill health. And it's funny because I thought I would be completely at ease with having babies. Given that I'd always wanted to be a mom and given that I have psychology degrees and my background is mental health, I thought I would be okay. And I just wasn't.
Abbi Power: 23:04
I really started to struggle with day-to-day tasks, like the washing would get on top of me, the cooking of the meals was getting on top of me, my self-care what even was that? I was on this four-hourly rotation of feeding babies and trying to squeeze in some sleep. Rotation of feeding babies and trying to squeeze in some sleep and three of the four-hour rotation was dealing with the babies feeding them, putting them down, bathing them, and then I had an hour to myself out of each four-hourly rotation. So you can imagine, in that time there's no self-care, there's minimal sleep. It's tough.
Abbi Power: 23:37
So, yeah, I did end up with postnatal depression and, for me, I was in denial to start with because of everything I said before.
Abbi Power: 23:44
I thought I'd be able to handle it and I thought I was good and had the mental resilience to get through it, and then eventually people around me started pointing out that they were noticing things that had changed. It was mostly my mum thanks to my dear mum who was saying you know, you need some support. So I actually didn't go to my GP first, I actually jumped online and did a bit of a Google research about what counsellors were available in my area and I picked one. I read up about the counsellor, I looked at what therapies they used and theories and models and I agreed with what she was saying on her website and I contacted her and started going to counselling myself. So in that sense, that was quite brave to do it that way and she was great. And then I just saw her ongoingly as I needed, and then weaned off of counselling as I was able to manage things myself from home. So, yeah, interesting journey.
Kirsten Diprose: 24:38
So what about the conversations that say your mum had with you? How did she support you? What did she say or do for you? That cut through when you really weren't thinking straight?
Abbi Power: 24:51
To be honest, that part of my life is a bit of a blur, which is one of the downfalls of postnatal depression is that your brain actually blocks out a lot of it. So specifics like that are hard to recall, but I do remember her sitting down with me one day and having a really stern conversation from a loving place, but being really serious with me and saying Abby, this is not you. You actually really need some help right now, and the kind of help you need is beyond what I'm helping you with each day.
Kirsten Diprose: 25:20
What about you, Jenna? Do you remember any of those conversations or what cut through to make you do something about it? Yeah, absolutely.
Jenna Robinson: 25:28
There's one memory that just I think it'll live with me forever. I'm sitting down at a table, the kids were at the table, husband was at the table and I can't even remember what had happened. But we were arguing about something and he said something that was really triggering for me, that I was being selfish about exercise and for me that really hit me hard and I lost it. I basically threw something across the table. I said I'm going, I'm not coming back, and I left and I drove off to, I drove to the golf course, basically, and I sat there and I cried and I called my friends and she came down instantly. She dropped everything, she came and sat with me in the car. She just listened to what I had to say and she said look, I think you should book in with the doctor. And you're at the point now where you can't ignore this anymore.
Kirsten Diprose: 26:20
Yeah, oh, Abbi and I both have tears in our eyes. I think both of us are relating to that. I won't go into my story too much. You can listen to it in a previous episode about postnatal depression that we did on Ducks on the Pond, but in that I interview my friend, Jessica Skermer, who was the one who basically helped me. She just came around with her kid and we were chatting and she just started telling me about how she had postnatal depression.
Kirsten Diprose: 26:49
And then you know how she got help and it just normalised it to me and I cause she saw it in me and instead of kind of saying I think you might have postnatal depression, she just chatted and told me her experience and because she's just this awesome, lovely person who's fun and funny and great and smart, and for some reason in my head at that time I really hadn't experienced much in terms of mental health, I thought like if you were depressed, you just, I don't know, sat in a corner all day or I just had this no idea of what it was like. And then I was like year of what it was like. And then I was like, oh, that's me and it's okay, and this is what someone with postnatal depression looks like, you know, a normal, awesome person, and it was, yeah, that conversation so that's why we're having this conversation today is to be able to be that person for someone and or to be receptive yourself, and it is so important to normalise it where we can.
Abbi Power: 27:50
Like you said, Jessica did that for you and you know there's absolutely no shame or no guilt that we should associate with postnatal depression or mental ill health of any kind, because there's so many factors at play at any one time. So it's not just sleep deprivation, it's not just screaming babies. It can be our hormones and I know Kirsten, our next episode, we're going to get into some of that but it can be the natural body processes that are occurring without our control. So I think, aside from just having the conversation with somebody to check in and make sure they're okay, there's so many practical things that people around us can do to support too. Like maybe come over and do a load of washing or cook some meals for me so I don't have to cook when I've got babies, just sharing the load. Maybe hold my baby while I'm having a nap, things like that. That can be really helpful too.
Jenna Robinson: 28:42
I started using this question like, instead of saying, hey, can I bring you dinner or something, because I think everyone says, oh no, no, we're fine. I started asking people what meal are you struggling with more? Is it snacks? Is it lunch, is it dinner? Don't say no, just give me an option.
Kirsten Diprose: 29:00
Yeah, good advice. What about education for people who want to learn more about how to have these conversations, or maybe even want to get some training?
Abbi Power: 29:08
Yeah, so I've personally done the Mental Health First Aid Australia training and I would recommend that to everybody. Really important what it means is it equips you with the tools that, especially dealing with anybody with mental ill health, you can support them through what they're experiencing, as well as in crisis situations. It gives you the tools and the knowledge to support somebody with that. So, yeah, recommend that to everybody. There's also plenty of online resources. Places like the Black Dog Institute, beyond Blue Conversations Matter They've all got great little tips and tricks for how to have these conversations as well.
Abbi Power: 29:45
As what I suggest to people is actually leading by example. So if you have someone you're concerned about and you want to support with their mental health, is that, if you are struggling yourself, is that you also seek help? So, again, going back to that self-care, it's got two benefits it's caring for yourself, but it's also leading by examples. And then, of course, there's always attending a let's Talk presentation. So we hold presentations in the community that teach people about how to have these conversations, and so feel free to come along to one of those, if there's ever one in your area.
Kirsten Diprose: 30:18
Yeah, and they're great. And finally, I wanted to briefly discuss what about an emergency situation, when you find yourself hopefully none of us ever have to experience this but someone really is in such a bad way that they need emergency help.
Abbi Power: 30:33
So it's always going to depend on what the situation is as to what course of action is required in those moments. But in terms of an emergency, if you're the person supporting somebody through crisis, there's a few numbers you can call. So we have national numbers. Here in Australia we're very lucky that we have Lifeline, so Lifeline offer 24-hour counselling and their number is 13, 1114, or even the suicide callback service they're 1300, 659, 467. Of course, in an emergency, always call triple zero if you're concerned. So that's what they're there for. That might be whatever form that takes ambulance, police but, as I said, it's going to be really dependent on the situation.
Abbi Power: 31:19
The main thing is to always stay calm. So emergencies can tend to make us panic and get really worried and potentially not be thinking clearly. So remaining calm, assessing the situation for danger, making sure everybody in that situation there is safe the physical safety, probably mostly in that case and then protecting yourself. So, as somebody dealing with somebody else in a mental health crisis situation, protecting yourself is really key. If you've got a relationship with someone that you're close with, it may look like jumping in the car with them and driving them to an emergency department. Often then the emergency can triage and handle it from there.
Abbi Power: 31:59
I guess probably one of the big things and a lot of these tips I've actually learned from doing my mental health first aid is try not to leave the person alone. I get that sometimes you might not be able to be there and stay with that person who's dealing with an emergency crisis situation, but if you physically can't be there with them, make sure somebody else is who can care for them in that moment. And that again comes back to knowing your boundaries. Just like my mum did, she knew that the support I needed was beyond her, and so she encouraged me to seek help elsewhere. But in those emergency situations it's really important not to leave them alone.
Abbi Power: 32:33
But the biggest thing I think when someone's dealing with a crisis with their mental health is to encourage engagement with you. So keep them talking, keep them thinking, keep them forward-focused thinking, so looking at the future rather than the past so much. Or keeping them present in the moment, keeping them here with you, asking them what kind of support they need in the moment, whilst not everyone will be able to answer that question really clearly, studies and research tells us, and what we learn in mental health first aid training is that by keeping them present and engaged is potentially keeping them safer for longer, and it's giving them some ownership yeah, oh, that's such great advice to wrap up our conversation.
Kirsten Diprose: 33:19
I'd like you to each leave us with a bit of a final thought, or perhaps a reframe of mindset that you've had to sum things up with how you can support others.
Jenna Robinson: 33:33
Just talking to someone, talking about your own experience, and then actively listening to someone and just being present when someone else is talking, goes a really long way. Just the fact that we have a conversation. Having a conversation about anything else, that's where everything starts. That is the foundation for mental health and mental wellbeing.
Abbi Power: 33:56
And for me there's one thing people can take away from this is to care enough to ask the question. To care enough to even start the conversation makes you an incredible person. Just caring enough is probably the main thing. And checking in on others it's easy to get wrapped up in our own lives and we just don't know what other people are dealing with and you have no idea the difference you can make from one really good conversation with somebody.
Kirsten Diprose: 34:24
And that's it for another episode of Ducks on the Pond. Part two of our three-part collaboration series on self-care is not selfish. Thank you to my co-host, Abbi Power, and to Jenna Robinson for so openly sharing about their own personal experiences. Next week we drop our final episode, which is all about hormones and happy chemicals, so how to naturally boost positive emotions and deal with all of those emotions that our hormones just like to bring us. Dr Belinda Bell will join Abbi and myself for that. I'm really looking forward to it. So thank you again for listening. You can always follow us on Instagram and if you like what you hear, make sure you tell a friend. It really helps us out. This is a Rural Podcasting Co. production. I'm Kirsten Diprose and I'll catch you again soon.
